Mini barn, and I wouldnt have it ANY OTHER WAY

I'm sure you've all heard the phrase as your running out the door and it stays open shut the door, what do you think we live in a barn?". This phrase went through my head over and over yesterday when I arrived home from a wonderful day in the Salon. You see we actually do live on a farm, and we actually have a barn. Right now we have baby chicks and do to the cold weather at night and the increase in coyotes and foxes, our babies are in our garage. We have heat lamps, and it's a controlled environment, rather than the draft barn. We also have ducks! A farm down the road, around the corner, or just over the way (because in the country this is the lingo for less than 20miles, everyone is your neighbor)had ducks and BAM they became dinner for one of those pesky animals. So these too are in our garage TMEPORARILY....

Yesterday I arrived home around 6:50ish, and my driveway is filled with lil chicks pesky at the ground. I quickley depart my vehicle and yup the garage door is open. I go inside and the ducks are gone too. I run to the food bags and start sprinkling food in the garage, and with the "round up" help from our Great Dane Chloe, the chicks returned to the garage. SLAM GOES THE DOOR, at the back of our garage I had bought a children's swimming pool, and the ducks have enjoyed it Dailey...yes, the pool is a hit because there they are swimming, drinking, wading' and having a good ol' ducks time. I open the back side of the garage sprinkle some food' and waddle waddle waddle they went to eat up the feed! SLAM GOES THE DOOR. Ok I got the ducks in, and the chicks' well 3 remained outside. I just couldn't catch them, they must be the independent politicians of the group making their own bold statements! I walk around the front of the house and enter my beloved home, hoping to get dinner going. I open the door, and hear chirping. What the HE double LL? The inside door is open..tonight one of my children is gonna get a good ol' fashion whoopin....there are baby chicks everywhere (mainly in the kitchen). They are old enough to get about a foot in height of flying, so yup they are EVERYWHERE! I ran into the garage and scooped more feed, returned to the kitchen and my amazing skills helped me trip and scatter food. Well it worked all the chicks gathered at the dining area (pile of feed).... I grabbed a broom swept the feed in the garage. A few chicks followed, the others ran (I'm sure I heard them in their chicken language screaming " holy cow where are you, we need major help this crazy mad women has a chicken beater and is falling all over the place and going nuts"). With the help of a laundry basket turned into a trapping device I got them all!

I had called my husband at some point during this chaos. When he got home he was happy to see no mess, chicks and ducks happily hanging in our mini barn aka garage. Of course no child of mine left the door open, and living on the farm I can't say "where you raised in the barn" so instead of scolding, whooping, or otherwise disappointing the kids, I threw my feet up and smiled at my life. Why? Because I wouldnt have it any other way!

Sometimes leaving the door open, leads to an eventful life, literally...

LIVE, LIFE, LOUD

A Twisted Heart!!!

A heart can be twisted as fast as it takes to say "BOO"!

I have a beautiful 14 year old daughter. Her father and I have made the decision to not allow her to date until she's 16. Some may think its being strick,I however think its responsible parenting. Although she can't date she does have crushes. About 5 years ago she started to like a boy. He lives over an hour away from us. They met at the Horse club we belong to. 2 to 3 times a year she will see him during what's called a trail ride weekend. When she was in 5th grade she asked me if she could write him a note. As a mother my heart got all fuzzy remembering when I too wrote my first letter to a boy. However, with the rules we have in place I had to think about it. I finally came to her and told her she could, but she can not say she's in love, or wants to date, or ask him out, or say anything that is adult-ish. I literally heard a squeal and she ran off and started writing. I never asked her to see it. I trusted she would respect my wishes and I think it's important to allow kids to feel that trust sense. I remember te weekend every well. She came up to me with a smile and told me she gave it to him. I asked her if he said anything and she said no. The next day she woke up hoping to see him on the playground but his family was packing up for the weekend and leaving. Her reaction was bland, she was young and then she went to the swings. Last year, while she sat reading "twilight" at the lunch spot, this same "crush" came and had his lunch with her. I was at work and missed the whole thing. When I got to the clubhouse after work Zora came running to me and let me know he sat with her at lunch. She said " mom I was just minding my own business, reading a book and came and sat with me. We talked and he told me he still has that note I wrote him. IT'S BEEN 3YEARS". Tears built up in my own eyes but I held them back as I felt her emotions. That entire weekend she was in lala land.

At the beginning of the school year, she held her second crush. An eleventh grader, and he's in a band. She has asked to go to a few of his concerts, but with work, it never seemed to work out. Let's jump ahead a couple months to Valentines week 2012. The school does what's called a secret valentine. Its we're you buy a carnation for someone, and student council delivers it to the valentine for you during home room. My lil Bean (it's our nickname for Zora, she grew so fast my sister said she was growing like a bean sprout at 2months old and it stuck) asked if she could have 4 dollars. She informed me she wanted to buy 3 flowers for her 3 friends and 1 for this boy. I guess she's growing so I handed over the money. On valentines day I asked her that night if everyone got their flowers and knew they were from her. She rambled and rambled, and said how it was suppose to be secret, but student council put a list of who bought what for whom up in the lab, so if anyone wanted to find out they could go up and see. She told me she was walking behind the boy she bought a flower for, and he yelled to a girl down the hall " it was Zora that bought it for me". She continued to tell me she was so embarrassed hoping he wouldn't turn around, and that he only got one flower and it was from her. After that this boy came to a few of her basketball games and talked to her on a regular bases, including on facebook.

Trail ride 2012 my daughter is growing. She packs her stuff for the weekend,including makeup (this is a disagreement between her dad and I) and she is excited with glee. We arrive and off she goes.... Saturday night she gets all dolled up and god she's a beautiful county girl. You know, pink sunkissed tan, cowgirl clothes, braids,and a touch of makeup. Then she is gazing at her trail ride crush. She dances in a group of her friends and he is in that group. Throughout the night she glances at me with a sparkle in her eye because she knows I'm watching her.

This is where my heart gets twisted.... She's watching him. Hoping he'll remember their lunch from last year, hoping he too feels the same way she does. He looks at her from time to time, and her face lights up with redness, she is blushing. As a mother this is hard for me to watch. I know everyone thinks so far; aww how cute. What I am watching is not filling me with joy, but filling my head with " damn him how can I protect her from getting hurt". While she looks at him with dreamy eyes, he's looking at another girl, one of her friends. She doesn't realize it but soon she will. My heart is slowing tearing knowing she will be hurt. As the night turns from old to young my husband and I decide to turn in for the evening. Usually at the trail ride dance around 11:30pm - 12:00am the older crowd turns in and the younger crowd seems to come alive with energy (those 21 and over or 16 and sneaky I think a little alcohol gives them that extra boost of crazy silliness). My beautiful 9th grader knows better than to be sneaky, but I let her stay up and "party" with everyone. As my husband and I turn in I go in search to kiss her goodnight and remind her of the rules, and MY HEART IS COMPLETLEY BROKEN!! I find her on the playground, feet dragging as she spins on the merrygoround, crying. My first thought is she realized her trail ride crush likes another girl. I want to scoop her up and rock her. I ask what's wrong, she blurts out "he died, mom I'm so sad". I lean over her clueless and hug her and I find out her eleventh grader crush, died today. She heard it through Facebook, and other friends. Oh my god does my heart hurt. His family has got to be going through hell, she is going through hell. They were not dating they were just friends, but her "what if" heart hurts. I'm crushed. All I could do is hug her as she cried in my arms.

This is part of why I know emotionally she is not and I truly believe most kids her age are to young to date. The domino effect from this tragidy is going to be long and hard. I got a pre recorded call from the school, all families in the distric got the same call. It's the principal letting the families know a fellow classmate has passed, and the school is setting up grievance counseling tuesday for kids that need it. Oh my god, counseling? I feel a release of emotion knowing people trained with situations like this will be there for the students that will mourn a friend, for students like my daughter. It's less than 3weeks until final testing begins, my heart goes out to the school district.

Lessons I have learned throughout the years have helped me to this point in my life. Nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you as a parent to stand by and watch your child's emotions pour out. As strong as I am I find myself stronger than ever for her and preparing what is to come, yet I find myself weaker than ever. I never knew this feeling of strength and weakness could exist in the same moment. A twisted heart is worse than a broken heart, a few stitches can heal a broken heart but a twisted one can become tangled in a web of misunderstanding. I am learning. Live life to the fullest, live life with every emotion you can, and be sure to tell everyone how important they are in your life, EVERYDAY! Do not let small things cause pain that you may not beagle to undo, that you may regret for the rest of your life. Kiss your kids, know your kids, be there for your kids, for your family, for your friends.

EVERYDAY LIVE, LIFE, LOUD....

27 months of pregnancy ...

Today was moving day! I slept in and randomly got ready, I had on my running pants, and tee-shirt, sneakers, and put my hair in a braid (no make-up) and headed to the new salon I will be working in. I figured why not meet the new crew, dressed super casual. This is not the usual me, but I planned on going for a run after. So why dress up because today I moved in...

I got to the salon somewhere between 1 and 2pm. I figured out where my station was going to be and I started "moving in", throughout the day I met staff. I was leisurely preparing myself for an eventful first week. The phone kept ringing and to my delight appointments started calling for me. This was just another reassurance that yes this was the right move for me. My color shipment will be here tomorrow or thursday, but I have the supplies I need to start my week. Its going to be an adjustment, but coming out of your comfort zone makes you a stronger person.

I read a quote from Charles Barkley "If you are afraid of failure, you don't deserve to be successful" I guess looking back I see where I have failed at things, but ironically enough when failure crept up on me I jumped, and man did I jump high. I have learned so much in my life. One thing I know is I have failed before, I'm still here, I'm still standing, I'm still confidant, and I'm still me in every way, shape, and form! I know my pay may take a hit for a couple weeks, however my sense of pride will be completely restored as not only a hairstylist,and an educator, but as a mother, and wife.

Its a beautiful thing marraige. Being married to a man that builds you up, and grows with you. To have children together and have a mutual agreement on seeing them grow. Having your own values shared and watching our children choose our values. Learning from each other, learning from our kids, watching the smiles. Seeing them do their very best because your there. I stood behind the fence at my sons baseball game. He stepped up, bat in hand. Before he stepped completely up to the plate, he looked at me, noodled and smiled big, then stepped up to the plate...batter up and GRAND SLAM! Wow my son was awesome, it was great to see this. I know work is what provides for our family, but if I live to work instead of work to live than these moments will pass me by. After the game my son got in the car, I told him how proud and good he was. I told him I saw him hit that ball outta the park, he looked at me and said "I know mom, thanks"! That night the hug and kiss before he went to bed was great. He hugged me, and whispered in my ear " thanks for being at my game mom, I love you."

Yes moving to a new salon will be an adjustment, but 9 months of adjusting to pregnancy, becoming a mother(a total of 27 months of pregnancy, 1 natural childbirth, and 2 c-sections, 3 beautiful kids) is worth readjusting to a new work space!

Live, Life, Loud...

I May Be Broke

On top of life being life, I quit my job on Saturday. I'm so excited about starting in a new Salon, John Davis Salon and Spa. I can be committed to my family first and to my clients. Funny most clients have kids or have had kids and understand needing to take the day off here and there or work around kids schedules. I'm excited for the first time in my career to Be able to do this!

Returning home my husband asked how it went and I just rambled and rambled. Earlier in the week he had told me he may be coaching my sons soccer team, he had mentioned me being the assistant coach. Knowing I would be at the new salon able to control my own hours, not having to work until 9pm would allow me to do this. Saturday night we got the confirmation that indeed my husband will be the soccer coach for the under 12 team, I was so excited.

There are so many tricks and turns in life, we have ups and we have downs. With the emotional Saturday I had I was really looking forward to relaxing on Sunday.

We woke up, and headed out the door to go to the Horse club for a fun show they were putting on. Bam, life being life begins again. My birthday present 3 years ago was Vanessa. She is an all white beautiful angora rabbit. I groomed her and have even tought myself to spin her angora wool. Im not that good at spinning but I sure do enjoy it. A year ago Vanessa got a cut that was so bad my husband said we should put her down. I refused and turned into a vet that night. I nurtured her and spend the evenings making her feel better. She had a full recovery, and Vanessa was hopping with happiness. While on vacation about a month ago we bought a handsome grey angora buck. We haven't tried to breed them yet, but I couldn't wait for this to happen.... Today Vanessa died. As we walked out the door I could see her just laying there. My heart dropped, why she died I do not know but my heart hurt. My kids have had hamsters die, and fish. I hug them and tell them it's going to be ok. My son took Vanessa to bury her. Within minutes we were piled in the car on the way to the club. I never even cried, or showed any emotion. Emotion came, it came in the way of anger, and then tears. My husband, whom I truly love, never once showed me compassion. My anger flared. I know it's only a rabbit, but she was more than that. I learned to love the hobby that became of her. Now it is gone, she is gone. No reason. She is the last birthday present my husband bought for me. She was a symbol. I suppose throughout the day I have misbehaved and acted childlike, but don't I too deserve that hug, that feeling I give my kids when there pets pass. Is adult life filled without this?

I am a self made machine. I don't often wear my emotions on my sleeves, but I feel broke at this moment. Next week will be emotional too. It will be my last week with a group of fantastic girls.

I will begin at John David's Salon. I will meet a new group of co-workers. I will begin helping my husband coach my sons soccer team. Being a stylist is my world but I have brought 3 little lives into this world and they too deserve my attention. The majority of the people I have talked to have thought this is a great decision, the others think I should just stay home....well those others don't know me that well. As I stated, I'm a self made machine, at times I may be broke but with a little tender love and care I'll be back up and running....

LIVE, LIFE, LOUD.....

15 years later I have finally seen his vision, it's beautiful....

There comes a time in everyone's life that you look back at time and wonder where it went. Today I went to school with my 14year old daughter (graduating #2 from her freshman class) and set up her sophomore schedule. Before setting up her schedule I went to the elementary wing and handed in the rest of the paper work for our youngest daughter to begin her schooling journey. As I walked into the office to set up the schedule, my 4year old held tight to my hand and I started to reflect back.

I remember 9/11... My husband had finished his 4year contract with the US Army in April of that year. My now, 14 year old,was only 4 then, had just finished her chocolate milk and I was getting ready to drive her to school. I flipped on the morning news, to see if I needed a sweater or jacket for her, and there was one Tower burning, smoke, gray, glass, catastrophe! Zora was in pre-k. I kept her home thinking my husband would be called into duty. My close friend Jen was due to be married in 4weeks. Her husband got called up, their wedding was postponed! Now today I walk into this school watching my oldest continue her success as a student, and I hold tight my youngest hand as she will just begin. my son has had many hurdles, but the school and teachers work with us, DAILY for him to conutiue his journey.

I don't rememberer as much as a mother should. In 2001 I began my career as a business women. I took my job and put it first in my life. I missed many moments, I can not take back. I missed concerts, parties, and in the long run I now have regrets. My life has been filled with love. My husband understood I am differsnt. I am not a person that relaxes, I even work in my dreams. He was there every step of my career. Now holding my youngest hand I realize, I WILL NOT REGRET missing things again. I have made a vow to my oldest daughter. She is a beautiful, smart young women. Teenagers are harsh, they call her nerd, amount other things, on the bus. She has informed me she will protect my youngest next year on the bus. I have vowed that next year she will be first, all of my children will. I will drive them to school, I will take them to their practices, and games. I will be there for awards. I will not let my career get in the way of my career as a mother any longer.

I am looking forward to the time in the future. I love when my husband holds my hand just because, and when I am working at home when he kisses my head as he passes by me. It's these moments that I remember the most, and for this I love him. For this I want more of my childrens moments in my life.

I'll always work, I'll always be a mom, but I will not always have my kids by my side, so while they are here...I need to be here! I am excited about our future, I have enjoyed learning to relax' and learn about farm life, thses last few years. My husband (of 15 years) has been gentle knowing my vision was not the same as his. 15 years later I have finally seen his vision, it's beautiful....

Air hugs all around via me....

Times are good, times are bad, but no matter what time it is, you have the power within yourself to choose whether you will remain positive or let the negative devil sit on your shoulder.

My husband is an amazing man. I think this week I realized more than ever, it doesn't matter where we live, what material things I have, honestly as long as I have him everything will come out the way it comes out. I think all families go through financial restraints, or negative banter by others. I have come under both in a very short amount of time. The stress alone is hard to hide behind a smile, however SMILING is one of my greatest assets.i hear people complain about their jobs, and the little person inside of "Drea's world is saying to them, than do something about it". Yet month after month its the same thing. I love John Lennon for saying what he wants to be when he grows up is happy. Sometimes it's hard to be happy if you are under fire (financially, mentally, or otherwise). I have what I call my happy movies: Finding Nemo, The Itialian Job, Love Acutually, Up to name a few, I have my happy places: Starbucks, The Laberyinth, Running/Walking, Sitting side by side with my Bigs, just to name a few. I think we all need to find our happy moments, or places to reflect back on when times are tough.

I wish I could push a button on my head and it would roll a film of every happy thing that has occurred in my life. Many people are having a difficult time. This is the way of life, however it doesn't mean we have to let it control us, or drain us.

STAND UP, push your happy button and know "THIS TO SHALL PASS"!

Much love and prayers go to all my friends and family, and to those that need an air hug, it's being sent your way.